non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
