I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so explain again why im purple
no
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you inspire me to be a worse person
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
