Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
