Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
