I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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