You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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