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I cockslap morals
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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