I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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