What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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