...so i touched it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
