worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
