I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
