But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
