I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
