I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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