I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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