New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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