The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Houston, we have a squirter
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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