just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
