White coat. Heels.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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