I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
