god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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