Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
