So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
