I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
