I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
