And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize