It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize