Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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