hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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