Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
