Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
