I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
