the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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