she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
