john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
