I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
