Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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(269): View more from Michigan

i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently

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(913): View more from Kansas

"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."

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(541): View more from Oregon

mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

(925): View more from California

"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

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(512): View more from Texas

Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'

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(206): View more from Washington

He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?

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