One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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