I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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