when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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