you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize