Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize