ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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