do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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