i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
