im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
