Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
