The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize