just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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