It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what day is it and did you see me today?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
