Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
