Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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