her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
