Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
