i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
