Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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