Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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