I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize