Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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