can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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