Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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