elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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