One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize