I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
