the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
