I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
