i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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