If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
