Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am midnight drunk by noon
this boner is exhausting
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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