Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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