i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
