I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
did i just pee glitter
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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